About a year ago, I was devastated to learn that Owen had a condition called marginal cord insertion as he grew inside of me. Because of how the placenta attached, he wasn’t getting enough blood and his growth was slightly behind. I remember last Thanksgiving being marked by sadness and wondering if my son would even make it. As you probably know, he was born healthy and at 8.5 pounds, it seems like the condition was no hindrance to his growth.
I was sick twice while pregnant and the first time resulted in me losing my senses of taste and smell. I wondered if they would be restored by the time he was born. The idea of potentially being unable to smell my newborn was sad, yet I made a full recovery. I have never been so grateful for working senses because they are a gift and allow me to enjoy this life and ultimately, delight in the Giver.
I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good in more ways than one. Yet here we are one year later walking through other trials and my heart wonders what the outcome will be. Certainly, we’ll make it through but will we be unscathed? I don’t know.
Enduring trials without suffering is never a guarantee and if it were, would I really want it? Would it actually be worth it to walk away not having allowed the trials to make me more like Jesus and convince me more fully of His presence? Increasingly, my heart knows that it would not.
Like many strange tensions experienced in this state of already/not yet, I’ve learned that I can be thankful even if I don’t feel thankful. And in a strange way, I’m thankful for the trials because they loosen my grip on this life and weaken my affection for this world and its contents.
Regardless of what today might look like for you, I hope you will feast on His goodness knowing that one day we will be feasting in a world free from sin (Revelation 19:9, 21:4). We can give thanks to God for what He’s done for us in Christ by the power of His Spirit.
If, like me, you’ve struggled to find things to be grateful for, may I suggest starting with His benefits?
“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:2-5
