This week I have been SO overwhelmed by how good God is!
When my husband and I were first married, he was an independent contractor and I had no job – we definitely weren’t ballin’ (and all the newlyweds said, “AMEN!”).
We’re not destitute by any means, we have more than we could have ever hoped or dreamed of. Yet, sometimes the money is a little tight – we can pay all our bills but usually have little left to do fun things. I realize that’s a sacrifice we make now and we will probably be able to enjoy more in the future (all y’all who have already paid your dues, I’m positive, can attest to this). But there have been (too) many times in this season where I have doubted God’s goodness, faithfulness and provision. Despite Him seeing me through the craziest season of my life (marriage, moving, motherhood), I have failed to trust that His plan for me is good. I’m a modern day Eve wondering if God really has my best interests at heart.
Earlier this week I was on the verge of tears from being so bogged down in my thoughts that I started to believe the lies of my own sin. I questioned how some of our bills would be paid this month and was over analyzing in my head different ways I could come up with a solution, you know, since I’m totally in control and all.
Yet, His kindness lead me to repentance (Romans 2:4).
I was humbled that He so tenderly and graciously caused me to remember what is true of His character according to His word:
• His love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8)
• He remains faithful when I am faithless (2 Timothy 2:13)
• I can be content because He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5)
• I have everything I need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)
I encourage you dear reader, when you are struggling to trust Him, tell Him!
My prayer of repentance wasn’t anything super deep or theological – (with this preggo brain, I’m barely hanging on by a thread). I basically prayed the words of the father with the demon possessed son in Mark 9:24, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”
When you find yourself failing to trust, don’t run from repenting because of shame – there is none left for you (Romans 8:1) for it was poured out on His Son.
Thinking on what is true (Philippians 4:8) about who He is and what He has done for His children should cause us to glory in His character and His plan of redemption.
We can rejoice knowing that, even in the small struggles, this life isn’t it (James 1:2-4).
Yesterday I was overwhelmed to the point of tears (are you sensing a pattern here?) to receive 2 packages from my mother in law (thanks mom!) that contained items for our baby – blankets, clothes and burp cloths. There were even some new socks for my husband – he’s really needed new socks!
I started crying thinking about how wicked my heart has been to not trust God yet I was overwhelmed that because of Jesus, God no longer sees me as a sinner, but as His child whom He loves and cares for deeply.
I’m amazed that His love for me is displayed in so many simple ways and He can use something as simple as a pair of socks to bless me and show me that He cares and faithfully provides for even the smallest of needs.
Since repenting of my faithlessness earlier in the week, I have begun to cultivate a trust in Him by quoting Scripture to myself that reminds me of what is true of His character. I haven’t been trying to create a master plan for how we’re going to financially succeed here on earth and it has been quite freeing. My hope is to fight this sin by depending on the Holy Spirit to work in me to cultivate a heart of trust.
I am not perfect and I don’t expect that I’m going to perfectly trust the Lord from here on out but I am thankful for the many crazy circumstances He has put me in over this past year that gave me no other choice but to trust Him. I have seen His character remain constant and I am grateful for the opportunities He’s given me to feed on His faithfulness (Psalm 37:3).
It it, indeed, so sweet to trust in Jesus!
