“Marriage is the best!” We’d heard this statement declared many times before tying the knot. Ten years later, after scrutinizing this statement through the lens of Scripture, I’ve learned that it’s actually not true and that’s a good thing. For something to be the best means it is our ultimate good and only Jesus fits this definition. If marriage is the best, what does that mean for people who, like Jesus, are unmarried? Being told that marriage is the best didn’t prepare me well for the fact that marriages occur between two sinners in a broken world. Even the sweetest moments of marriage cannot negate this.
As we celebrate our tenth anniversary, I’m grateful to know that our union is not the best but is designed to mirror what is — belonging to the bride of Christ. We’ve faced many hardships over the last decade including job losses, the loss of a baby, and ER visits within the last two years for two of our three children. Last year alone, I was in a car accident, had a sprained ankle, and fell ill three times.
Despite my best efforts (okay, mostly best), I did not lose the baby weight. My wedding dress no longer fits. I went without a wedding band when we were married because it was more expensive than a month’s rent. After developing an allergy to it, I can no longer wear my engagement ring. We still don’t have our original marriage license as the application for it was lost in the mail. We are legally married in California, but we don’t have proof. So we received a Common Law Marriage license in Texas when I was six months pregnant with our first child.
We’ve never had weekly date nights and have yet to attend a marriage retreat and/or conference and I’m grateful that God doesn’t require these things of us. Many of these traditional markers of matrimony are external symbols that help point to a more precious internal reality — the covenant between a husband and wife. They don’t make us married although the fact remains that we, indeed, are.
We’ve learned that success in marriage, as in other areas of the Christian life, looks like aiming for faithfulness, not results. Rather than concerning ourselves with things the Bible doesn’t when it comes to how husbands and wives are to function, we’ve made it our aim to outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10).
While this verse isn’t instructing husband and wives, it was written as instruction for the bride of Christ. How much more then, I wonder, ought we to do this in our marriage? When we do, we experience small glimpses of glory that are a sweet gift! The beauty of the gospel is on display as we continually lay our lives down for each other.
Ephesians 5:29-32 says, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
In this way, there is a marriage that is the best but it is not one between a husband and wife. It is the union of Christ and His bride in which all followers of Christ are invited to partake. Blessed, indeed, are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9)! At times, my marriage has been hard. It has also been incredibly sweet! I’m so grateful the Lord answered my many prayers for a husband.
In addition to the many benefits I possess in Christ (Psalm 103:2-5), He’s provided a husband for me who’s beyond what I could’ve hoped for. I have a front row seat to watching him become more like Jesus and there is a great joy to be had in witnessing your spouse be transformed from one degree of glory to the next (2 Corinthians 3:18)!
Reflecting on my years of singleness I recall the sweetness of that season and how it afforded me uninterrupted time with Jesus. Marriage and singleness have each had their respective burdens and benefits, but I’ve not found that one is more valuable than the other.
A decade into marriage I’ve learned much and have much still to learn. I hope to enjoy many more decades of marriage with my best friend as we grow in considering each other as more important than ourselves the way Jesus did and does for us (Philippians 2:3-8). As sweet as my marriage has been, I can confidently report that marriage isn’t the best, Jesus is. Here’s to, Lord willing, more decades of our marriage displaying His great love and anticipating together the marriage we were ultimately made for (Revelation 19:7-9).
