Being A Helper Is More Than Housework

One evening while my husband and I were doing yard work together, I wondered if at that moment I was closer to reflecting the reason for Eve’s creation (Genesis 2:18) than I had ever been before. Thoughts about what it means to be a wife and a woman within the contexts of the church and the home had been on my mind as of late. I was weary and dissatisfied with the polarity I’ve witnessed from those in evangelical circles who hold to the two primary positions on gender. To me, the positions typically come off as legalistic and disappointing in that neither view fully reflects the scope of God’s heart and design as detailed in the Bible.

Weeks prior, my husband said he was going to take over making dinner for our family each night. While most wives and mothers of young children may have rejoiced in relief, I wallowed in self-pity as I felt like a failure. For years I had believed that it was biblical for me to do all of the household work, especially cooking and cleaning, in order to be a godly wife. I knew that Titus 2 called me to be a worker at home so having my husband shoulder part of that responsibility left me feeling inadequate and incompetent. It was by processing through these feelings, however, that I began to find freedom from them.

I recalled that when God looks at me, He sees the perfection of Jesus (Isaiah 61:10) and this doesn’t change based on my performance (or lack thereof) in any arena (Romans 8:1). I also realized that, although many (wrongly) believe that the essence of Titus 2:5 is that women keep house, God doesn’t specify who ought to do which tasks within a household. The idea that the household chores are primarily (or solely) a woman’s responsibility comes from an overemphasis and thus mishandling of one section of Titus 2:5. In Titus 2:3-5 older women in the church are instructed to train younger women to exemplify godly behavior in order for the beauty of the gospel message to be on full display. There are 6 areas mentioned in which older women ought to train younger women but for some reason, the idea of working at home often seems to receive the greatest attention. The list that is provided in Titus 2 isn’t a checklist for women to achieve in order to obtain righteousness. Rather it serves as a reminder that because our righteousness is in Christ, we ought to live lives that make Jesus and the gospel message look beautiful and attractive (Titus 2:10). We should desire to be women whose lives manifest all of the qualities listed in Titus 2.

Some hold to the idea that because a “woman’s role” is to work at home, men are exempt from work in the home. How then does this translate for a woman who is disabled? Terminally ill? Temporarily sick? Pregnant? Postpartum? Grieving? Working outside of the home? Just plain exhausted? Should a woman who believes this not require help in household tasks from male occupants she lives with because that’s not “their role”? Should one who holds such a belief not require male children to help with household tasks but require it of female children? What tasks exactly encompass working at home (especially considering our modern means of doing so includes utilizing technologies and services that were unavailable in Titus’s day)? Is it sinful to hire help for completing household tasks? It is imperative that we consider such questions within the full scope of Scripture lest we begin creating legalistic lists that fool us into thinking we’re right with God because we’ve completed them.

Considering the context of Eve’s creation and thus the introduction of females to the human race, we observe that God’s creation of women came at the conclusion of a consistent pattern. After each day of creation so far, the day ended with God declaring that what He had made was good. However, after creating Adam, God saw his loneliness and declared it to be, “. . . not good . . .” (Genesis 2:18). God’s solution to this was to, “. . . make him a helper fit for him . . .” (Genesis 2:18). This is the first time that the term “helper” is used in Scripture. It comes from the Hebrew word, “ezer” which simply means helper. This Hebrew word has its roots in the word “azar” which means, “to help, succor.” Merriam-Webster defines succor as, “Relief,” it can also mean, “help, aid.” This begs the question what would Adam have needed help with? Especially considering sin hadn’t yet been committed, children hadn’t yet been born, and there was no house to keep (Genesis 2:8). There were likely no meals to be prepped and cooked since the first occurrence we have recorded of animal death in Scripture is after the fall (Genesis 3:21) and God created trees which bore produce (Genesis 1:11-12) for consumption (Genesis 1:29, Genesis 2:16).

A command came later for both Adam and Eve to bear children (Genesis 1:28) but as we examine all of Scripture, we learn that bearing children was initially a means to end and not the end itself. In Genesis 3:15, a verse often referred to as the first gospel, we learn of God’s promise to send a Savior. By the time we arrive at the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1, we can trace His lineage all the way back to Adam and Eve’s third son, Seth. (Although Abraham is the first name mentioned, exploring the genealogies in Genesis shows that Abraham descended from the line of Seth [See Genesis 5:3]). Procreation initially served a very specific purpose.

Humans continue to be fruitful and multiply but it is no longer to fulfill God’s original mandate to Adam and Eve. That command is mirrored in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-30) which was given at the conclusion of Christ’s first appearance on earth (Mark 16:15, Mark 16:19) to all who follow Him. Later instruction for the church encouraged those who were unmarried to remain in that state (1 Corinthians 7:8) which places a natural prohibition on childbearing but provides much freedom for making disciples which all women are able to do regardless of their relationship status (Psalm 113:9, Isaiah 54:1).

While women were created to be helpers, our purpose isn’t limited to housekeeping, cooking, and/or bearing children. Although it may include those things, it certainly isn’t defined by them and it certainly does not hinge on them. In order to understand what help and relief meant in the creation of the first woman, it seems logical to examine how women and men work together within the whole of Scripture. It is patent that men and women have differences both biological and otherwise and while these tend to receive our primary focus, it is important to note that the Bible’s first commentary on the creation of Eve, when juxtaposed with Adam, is sameness (Genesis 2:20, Genesis 2:23).

How do we reconcile such a paradox? We can begin by acknowledging God’s creation, especially of humans, the same way He does – as good. This term encompasses gender. Distinctions aside, Eve was once a part of Adam (Genesis 2:20) and was made to partner with him in bearing God’s image (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 5:1-2). This is played out in Scripture as we see that women are co-heirs (Romans 8:16-17, Galatians 3:28-29, 1 Peter 3:7) and co-laborers (1 Corinthians 3:9) with their brothers in Christ. Their differences are actually beautiful because they highlight the fact that we need God and we need each other (1 Corinthians 11:9-12). Rather than being independent, we were created to be dependent on God and interdependent on each other (Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Proverbs 18:1, 1 Corinthians 11:11-12). We also see that marriage as instituted by God in Genesis 2:24 points to the beauty and unity of Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:25-32). However, a woman doesn’t have to be married (or have children) to be fully female. The glorious opportunity to unite with her brothers in the common cause of Christ is available to her at the moment of her salvation. The unique statuses she may occupy within her life, such as single, married, mother, employee, friend, etc. create various opportunities for displaying her purpose as a helper (and her being a helper isn’t dependent on her occupying any specific status).

In my experience, and perhaps yours, the portion of Titus 2:5 mentioning working at home has been used to make it seem as if women who work outside of the home are in sin. I now know this is incompatible with the entirety of Scripture since Lydia worked outside of her home (Acts 16:14) and was able to host other believers inside of it (Acts 16:40). In the Old Testament, Proverbs 31 details what a woman of Godly character might look like. This ideal woman is someone who worked hard both in the home (Proverbs 31:15, Proverbs 31:18-19, Proverbs 31:21-22, Proverbs 31:27) and outside of it (Proverbs 31:13-14, Proverbs 31:16, Proverbs 31:24). It’s also important to note that the way she lives isn’t just for women as it is indicative of how Christ’s bride, which consists of women and men, ought to function.

1 Timothy which chronologically was written just before Titus, provides instruction for women similar to that of Titus 2:5. In 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul wrote, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” Paul’s purpose in sharing this is detailed in verses 12-13 as he lays out the qualifications for older widows in the church to be participants in having their needs met by the congregation. Paul said, “But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” According to one source, women in Crete where Titus’s church was located,” . . . exploited their freedoms to shirk off marriage and household responsibilities in lieu of casual sex and worldly appetites.” When they did so, their actions identified more with the false gods of their culture than with the one true God (Deuteronomy 6:1). Paul’s instruction for women ultimately comes through God’s inspiration (2 Timothy 3:16) which is important to understand. In our modern eyes, the idea that women prioritize working at home may seem to be limiting, yet in that time and culture, it served as a way for women to be holy as God had called them to be (Leviticus 11:44-45, 1 Peter 1:15-16). Understanding this frees us to consider how we can likewise pursue holiness whether we work in the home and/or out of it. We live as women whose time has been redeemed (Psalm 90:12) and who are called to work heartily unto the Lord regardless of the arena in which we are working (Colossians 3:23-24).

The sum of womanhood isn’t being a wife and bearing children. The sum of womanhood is displaying God’s image by uniquely manifesting the helper facet of it. To presume that womanhood finds its sum in occupying roles that many women have not and will not occupy this side of heaven is to presume that women who hold those roles are more fully female than those who don’t which is untrue. (It also puts an impossible and incredibly painful burden on women to earn their womanhood by occupying certain roles when the reality is that they may not. This notion borders on legalism which is the opposite of the gospel.) Many hold to this idea while acknowledging that Jesus was fully man and fully God (John 1:14). In His being fully man, He neither married nor fathered children. Why would this be different for women who follow His pattern preferentially or otherwise?

Understanding that gender is a good gift from a good God, is freeing. Understanding the purpose of gender within the full scope of Scripture is even more so especially considering that it isn’t our primary identity (Galatians 3:26-28). Knowing that my role as an image-bearer consists of uniting with other believers to further the gospel has helped me realize that God’s purpose for and view of women isn’t limiting at all. It’s more beautiful than I ever could have imagined and more freeing than I initially believed. Since God hasn’t established who performs which tasks within a household, my husband and I are free before Him to divide our household labor as we decide. God doesn’t see me as a failure of a woman for needing help around the house. He sees me as perfect because of Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:21)!

I’m thankful for my husband who exemplifies the love of Christ to our family as he makes dinner for us each night. His example makes me wonder what our homes and churches would look like if we all considered the needs of others as more important than our own (Mark 10:45, 1 Corinthians 10:24, Philippians 2:3-8). Rather than creating contexts in which men and women refuse to or fail to participate in certain aspects of service because it is (wrongly) believed they are reserved for one gender, what if, like Jesus, we chose to lay our lives down? What would it look like if more Christians made it their aim to outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10)? I suspect that we would create such a compelling picture of what it looks like to follow Jesus that others couldn’t help but want to follow Him too.