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Friday marked twenty weeks into my pregnancy with our sweet girl, Baby #2. She has yet to be named, I suppose that’s what one would call a #secondchildproblem. I had my anatomy scan for this baby on Monday and am thankful for how the day turned out to be one of many blessings even though not all of them were the type I’d quite hoped for. The first blessing occurred Sunday evening when Derek found out from his boss that he would be able to attend the anatomy scan portion of the appointment with me. I had been asking Derek for a while to speak with his boss and see if he could come in later to work that day. With his current job, Derek’s pay is salaried so he is sometimes able to flex his hours. (When I was pregnant with Addie, he was hourly and we wanted to save all his paid time off for when she was born so he had to miss her anatomy scan.) He finally got around to calling his boss Sunday evening and I thought for sure the answer would be “no” since it was a last minute request but I resolved to pray anyway and the Lord kindly answered my prayer in my favor. It was sweet to have Derek and Addie at the anatomy appointment. There was a large tv screen in the room so everyone could see the baby. We kept telling Addie that she was watching The Baby Sister Movie. I’m not quite sure she understood but she seemed excited at times.
Once the anatomy scan concluded, I still had to wait to see the doctor. At that point, Addie and I said goodbye to Derek as he went to work. He returned a few minutes later and excitedly shared that the project he had for the day was a quick one and had been completed by his coworker. That being the case, his boss had given him the rest of the day off. I was SO thankful for extra time with my husband and for the extra help in entertaining an active toddler in the waiting room. The rest of the appointment was mostly uneventful. Derek kindly took Addie outside to play while I saw the doctor because she had a hard time keeping quiet and staying still.
I had to see a different doctor since the one I usually see was out of the office. At first, I was a little unsure of what to expect. I really appreciate my doctor and I feel kind of attached to her. She is gentle, kind and caring – pretty much the opposite of the doctor I had with Addie. The doctor I saw this time was all of those things too but it just didn’t quite feel the same. The ultrasound tech had informed me that our baby is measuring at 20 weeks although I was 20 weeks and 4 days. I was a little discouraged by that but she told me anything under 7 days or over 7 days is considered normal. The doctor looked over the sonograms and informed me that everything looks good as far as the baby’s development but her head is 2 millimeters smaller than it should be. I was super bummed to hear that. I’m not sure if it’s because I was a straight-A student and want to get things right or if it’s because I like to be in control. For someone with my demeanor, I found the news especially frustrating because I’m doing all the “right” things in this pregnancy. Unlike my first pregnancy, I’m not just eating whatever I want whenever I want. I’ve worked hard to cultivate discipline and self-control.
Once the appointment concluded, I told Derek about the news and he inquired about whether I asked the doctor about the worst case scenario. I informed him that I didn’t ask because such knowledge wouldn’t be helpful for my heart and because there’s nothing I can do to change (or control) the situation. The older I get the more I realize how little control I truly have and I’m learning that dependent is the best position for me. For those who need perspective, 2mm is the size of the tip of a freshly sharpened crayon. So small. But just big enough to humble me and remind me that I still need Jesus.
I’m not overly worried about my daughter’s development. I’m resolving to pray and trust that God is good even when I hear news that I don’t especially care for. Recently I’ve had the privilege of studying the book of Daniel with a group of sweet ladies from church. I find it no coincidence that we are studying Chapter 3 this week in which Daniel’s friends refuse to worship Nebuchadnezzar’s false god and are going to be thrown in a fiery furnace as a result. They essentially tell the king that they will not bow down to the image he created and they trust that God will spare them. They are even so bold to inform the king that if God doesn’t spare them, they will never worship his false god (see Daniel 3:16-18). I want a faith like that. As far as I know, I’m not going to be tossed into a furnace anytime soon. I’m super thankful for that! However, I still want to have a heart that essentially says, “I love and worship God and even if my life doesn’t go according to my plan He is still good and I trust Him.”
I have a composition book in which I write down the date and bullet points outlining ways I’ve experienced God’s grace on that day. I was convicted over the fact that the items recorded were mostly happy – there is rarely a mention of hardship. Monday an exceptionally good day so it made sense to record the happy things that occurred. In addition to Derek getting the day off, we had received confirmation of the baby’s gender (she wasn’t very cooperative but I was very hopeful and the Lord was kind!), Addie used the big potty, Derek’s boss gave him yesterday off too, and I won a $50 gift card to a local BBQ restaurant.
I wasn’t going to write down the disappointing aspects of the day but I remembered that the Bible says, “In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other. . .” Ecclesiastes 7:14. I’m not necessarily thankful that my daughter’s head is measuring too small but I am thankful for the opportunity to trust the Lord and become more like Him as I depend on Him through prayer. I know that He is good and He does good and I have nothing to fear. I can’t wait to meet my daughter and I’m thankful for each day the Lord gives me with her.
