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Growing Kids With Character is the latest from author Hettie Brittz. The book begins with Brittz explaining a scenario from her childhood in which she felt abandoned by her mother. Brittz relays how this instance resulted in her making a vow to never let her own children cry desperately without tending quickly to their needs. She proceeded to meet with a mentor who helped her work through the memory. In describing this meeting, Brittz wrote, “My mentor prayed me through that memory. As I recalled the moment, I saw Jesus with us on the sidewalk. His arm around my mom’s shoulders and compassion for her all over His face. . .”(pg. 26).
This was slightly concerning to me because I question whether or not Brittz truly believes she saw Jesus or if she was just imagining what it would have been like for the Lord to be there during that hard time. While Jesus was on earth for a time, the Bible says that He is currently at the right hand of the throne of God (Mark 16:19). While His return is imminent, Scripture does not tell us that He will appear to us in visions/prayers.
This concern aside, I was thankful that in mentioning Proverbs 22:6, Brittz was faithful to point out that this verse does not guarantee that children of Christian parents will receive salvation. I find that often this verse is taught as a promise and it leaves parents feeling discouraged when they have been faithful to raise their children Biblically and their children do not follow the Lord.
The bulk of Growing Kids With Character discusses different personality types of children and how parents can encourage their children as they develop. The personality types have been created by Brittz and the book includes a code at the back so parents can go online and take the test to learn what type of personality their children have.
I haven’t taken the test quite yet but just by reading the descriptions of each type, I know my daughter is a Palm Tree. Reading through the Palm Tree chapter made me think of many different instances I’ve had with my daughter who is very outgoing and very active. It was interesting to learn how there are so many different personality types. As a Christian, this causes me to give thanks to God for His creativity in designing each human differently.
I caution readers to be careful with any personality test. It isn’t inherently wrong or sinful to use them but they do require much wisdom. It is good to be careful with how much weight we give to such tests as they can create unrealistic behavioral expectations for our children. It is also wise to consider how much we rely on knowledge revealed from a man-made test versus the instruction God has provided in Scripture. It is, after all, through the knowledge of Him that we receive everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), and that knowledge can be simply obtained by careful study of God’s Word.
Perhaps my caution stems from some examples provided in the Palm Tree chapter in which I took particular interest. One example on page 67 presents the scenario of a fictional child named Ruth. In this example, when Ruth is instructed to clean up toys, ” . . . it usually leads to another game or a long story.” Rather than being trained to obey the first time, Ruth is permitted to avoid obedience as her father responds in anger and her mother resorts to cleaning up the mess.
Teaching our children obedience helps them understand that we submit to God as our authority. Our goal is to help them see their need for a Savior so allowing them to disobey, which is a sin, does the opposite. Obedience is also of great importance because the safety of our children is at stake. If I see my daughter approaching a busy street, I greatly hope she will heed my instruction when I tell her to stop (for more on this, I recommend the article Parents, Require Obedience of Your Children, by John Piper).
Later in the chapter (pg. 69), there is a portion for parents that gives them ideas or “Fertilizer” to help their “trees” grow. One of the ideas listed on page 72 is Fantasy. At this point, Brittz wrote, “They want to hear lots and lots of stories and have your attention when they tell you about their own adventures – especially those that never really happened. Don’t pass these off as fibs or punish them for telling tall tales until they’re nine or ten.”
I would be exceedingly careful with this as lying violates God’s law (Exodus 20:16), His character (John 14:6), and in the list of things the Lord hates (Proverbs 6:16-19), lying and bearing false witness are both mentioned. It isn’t wrong or sinful to encourage children to play pretend or use their imaginations but one aspect of our job as parents is to teach them to be wise which includes helping them make distinctions between what is true and false.
I really appreciate that Growing Kids With Character dedicates a concluding chapter of the book toward spanking. Brittz does a wonderful job of backing up her position with Scripture and she also includes points from those for and against spanking. There are lists of questions provided too which help parents really think about why they spank and when it may be appropriate.
Worth noting for American readers is that Brittz hails from South Africa. This is important to keep in mind while reading this chapter because she mentions an instance in which she worked at a childcare center and spanked one of her students (see pages 266-267). I was initially appalled when I read this but then I remembered there are probably cultural differences that I’m unaware of which made her actions seem acceptable in that instance.
While I did enjoy certain aspects of Growing Kids With Character, I didn’t feel that it necessarily added anything new or extremely valuable to the Christian parenting conversation. My overall impression of this book is that it slightly focuses more on principles of psychology than Scripture so I don’t recommend it.
I received Growing Kids With Character compliments of LitFuse in exchange for my honest review.
